A Unique Report on English Only

Humor from a social networking website:

[Nashville's] influx of residents has been fueled primarily by Asian, African and Hispanic newcomers, as well as a large Kurdish community. "lt would have been a lot easier for the city to absorb small Kurds," said Councilman Eric Crafton, sponsor of the measure. "Just take a look at the two kinds of cottage cheese in the dairy case at the grocery store and you'll see the difference."

The ordinance would have granted powers of arrest and detention to English teachers, a group that has been at a disadvantage in its struggle to impose rules of grammar and syntax on Nashville's adolescents. "So many of our students say things like 'Gene Ray don't like Shania Twain'," notes Abigail Hartnett, an instructor at Dolly Parton Consolidated Regional High School. "If you tell them to say 'Gene Ray doesn't like Shania Twain,' they come back at you with 'That's what I jest said' or 'Don't make me no nevermind'."